Colonel Phrónēsis only knew two kings back home. One was a fellow dwarf. The other a solar elf. But flipped over on the table before him were three kings, and in his hand was the fourth.
He glanced over the square corners of his gazillionaire play (the Galactic Reserve had made everyone “millionaires” the century prior). A new tower of chips slid across the table. Captain Dikaiosýnē winked three times at him. With a heavy sigh, Phrónēsis slapped his cards face down on the table. “Fold.”
It would’ve been hard to explain where he got the fifth king. Especially here on the outer rim. Dark elves had no king. Cards and slot machines were the only law in town.
On his left, Lieutenants Andreía and Sōphrosýnē anted up. Then cards were shown.
Dikaiosýnē had three queens.
Andreía a pair of fives.
Sōphrosýnē ace high.
But the muscled orc they played against? A straight.
“Thank you, gentle-dwarves,” he said, voice deep and muffled, yellow stalagmites protruding from his black lips and scathing his leather cheeks as he spoke. He spread his arms and seized the castle of chips in a bearhug. “Hope I didn’t clean out your precious dwarf vaults!”
Phrónēsis frowned. “Wha’? Blimey, no, ’course not!” Still got the ship ter pawn, he thought. And Andreía had been trying to sell that planet he got from Baltasar’s Space Oddities, but so far, no takers.
The dark-elf dealer flexed her hip. “Another round, diamond hands?”
The four dwarves of one suit (moonsteel armor) bounced a glance off each other like ping-pong paddles. Finally, the colonel nodded, and the cards were dealt.
Phrónēsis threw a coin in the pot and picked his cards off the table.
A six o’ clubs and a two o’ spades? Grandma’s beard! A two o’ spades? Where did they get this deck? Wally’s Wizard World? Two o’ spades, me arse!
He grinned across the table. “Heh-heh, fine weather we be havin’, eh?”
Dikaiosýnē took her cue. “Oh, yes, wasn’t a cloud blockin’ the sun when we flew by it this mornin’.”
The orc’s stone gaze was fixed upon his own cards. Phrónēsis reached under the table to adjust his boot.
Now a two o’ clubs? Even me deck’s no good, and I got it at Fairy’s Club!
“Raise,” the orc said, shoveling chips onto the table.
Dikaiosýnē gave a worried look to Phrónēsis. The colonel joined his hands together, and she folded. Across from him, Andreía tugged on his mustache two times. Black jacks.
“Fold,” Phrónēsis said.
Andreía called. Sōphrosýnē called. The first three cards were turned over. Four of spades, a jack, and a five of spades. The orc laughed. More chips piled onto the table.
Andreía eyed the jack. He called. Sōphrosýnē gave a shudder and folded.
Next card was another jack. Andreía raised. The orc called.
Last card was a six of spades.
“Raise,” the orc said.
“With pleasure!” Andreía beamed.
Cards were shown. Andreía had his four jacks.
The orc had a four, a five, and a six of spades on the table.
And the two and three of spades in his hand.
The two o’ spades?
“Oi!” Phrónēsis lurched in his chair, hand paused halfway to his boot. He calmed himself. He be cheatin’, he is! Oh-ho! I knew it!
“Thank you, gentle-dwarves, thank you,” the orc said cheerfully, scooping up the chips. Andreía gave his comrades a defeated shrug.
Colonel Phrónēsis rubbed his hands together. “All righ’, yeh rich ’n’ filthy deep-space dweller! One more round! One more, I say!”
The orc bellowed like a horn. “Not done, little dwarf? Soon you’ll be betting with your claims on those asteroids!”
Phrónēsis knocked on the table, eyeing the dark elf. “Deal!”
Cards skimmed across the table. Before Phrónēsis even picked up his hand, he pushed on the smattering of chips he had left. “All in.”
The orc blinked. Looked at his cards. Then smiled from ear to ear. “Call!” A mountain of chips filled the center of the table.
Dikaiosýnē called. So did Andreía and Sōphrosýnē.
“Go big or go broke,” the orc chuckled.
The first three cards were turned over. Ten, jack, and queen of diamonds.
The orc nodded toothily. Phrónēsis raised his nose back.
The fourth card was turned over. King of diamonds.
“How’s that weather, eh?” Phrónēsis grinned.
“Oh, jes wonderful!” Dikaiosýnē wrinkled her nose.
“Ain’t neva betta!” Andreía tugged on his ear.
“Love meh some solar flare!” Sōphrosýnē said from halfway under the table.
Now I’ve got ya! Phrónēsis thought. An ace of diamonds graced his hands.
The fifth card was turned over. The two of spades.
Phrónēsis hesitated. Two o’ spades? Can’t get rid o’ yeh, can I? He shook himself and glared into the yellow orc eyes directly across from him. And jes how many aces yeh got up yer sleeve, eh? They’ll think one o’ us as cheaters, and seein’ how much yeh been winnin’, they’ll know it’s you—then throw yeh out o’ here and gimme back mah money!
The orc flipped his cards over with a sigh.
“You’ve got me beat, gentle-dwarf,” he said despairingly. A two of clubs and a four of hearts fell from his fingers. “All I’ve got is a pair of duces. Well, how about the rest of you? Win big, did you?”
Phrónēsis felt his face beam with delight. Dikaiosýnē should have gone first. But he couldn’t help himself. And apparently neither could Andreía and Sōphrosýnē. At the same moment, all four of them slapped their cards on the table.
Four aces of diamonds twinkled on the surface.
The orc frowned. The dealer glared. Phrónēsis wasn’t sure what he did, but he was glad his space suit had built-in plumbing to take care of it.
“Well, lads,” the colonel sighed, reaching under the table for the last time. “This be what we call back home a royal cluster-flush!”
The orc retracted his own arm from beneath the table, but Phrónēsis was faster. There was a flash of blue, and the orc fell backward, a patch of smoke rising from his chest.
The dealer screamed, and all eyes in the casino were on their table. Sirens wailed, and the crowd parted as security shuffled their way through.
Colonel Phrónēsis holstered his plasma revolver as the other dwarves filled their space helmets with chips. He flipped a chip to the dealer before making his escape. But first, he reached down and plucked the two of spades off the table. “Maybe yer good luck after all!”
This story was a writing exercise based on the following prompt: The alien casinos of Zeta Prime are run by the galaxy’s most ruthless mobsters. You’ve decided to cheat the system and win as much money as you possibly can before the mobsters find out.
